woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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