mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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