When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never underestimate the power of titties
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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