Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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