i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
