I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
