your thong is hanging out like whoa
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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