Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
