Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
