So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
