so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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