Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we're so committed to being not committed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
