Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize