I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My balls are so social today.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
