Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
