hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
