wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
