Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
