I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
