I think i peed on brittanys purse
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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