somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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