Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
