my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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