U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
