I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
