Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize