I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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