no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
