I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
