Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
