You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
