News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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