Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
