Already got asked if we're dating
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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