do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
