five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
