Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
