there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
