I am spending my child support on dildos
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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