call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
