No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
