Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I did not marry a roomba.
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