my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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