You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
