Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
