I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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