That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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