Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
