There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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