so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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