..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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