A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
