there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
