So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize