Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He better not be in your backpack
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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