the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
