Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
