I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
