we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
