Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
