What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
