Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
