The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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