perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
