Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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