wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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