i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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