seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
