so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize