Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
