I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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