Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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