it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
