I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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