I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize