How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
