I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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