i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
