Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
