Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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