Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
