ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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