I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
