I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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