I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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