did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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