So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
