I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
