I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
