he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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