I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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