I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
