Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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