i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
