If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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