2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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