Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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