After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
