thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
