Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
