Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
