Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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