my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
