yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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