Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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