This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
