I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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