i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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